


So I Can Stand On Mountains

by Potkanka



Category: Tomb Raider (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Developing Friendships, Gen, Humor, LAU Timeline, Legend Timeline, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, it might get romantic but that's up to them, post-Lara's Shadow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26430367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Potkanka/pseuds/Potkanka
Summary: After killing the goddess that created her, the woman with Lara Croft's face needs to decide what to do with her life. Killing the other blonde woman that has had control over her very existence sounds like a good starting idea.Of course, things might go a little differently than either of them expected.
Relationships: Lara's Doppelgänger & Amanda Evert
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who started another fanfic instead of continuing with any of her WIPs? But hey, this one is special! Instead of Classic timeline, this fic takes place in LAU timeline. It still uses the same fandom tag though :D
> 
> Also there's been no Doppelgänger tag on AO3 so I wasn't sure how to tag her, if I should specify in the character tag that it's the Underworld version or not... In the end I decided not to, there's probably not gonna be many fanfics with her anyway. (Unless there already are but under a different tag?)
> 
> Anyway, I've only got a little bit of the second chapter written so I don't know how fast I might update this, but probably very slow, as is the norm for me... Still, hope you enjoy! ;)

The blue shimmered in mesmerizing, lazy ripples, almost hypnotic. She couldn’t stop watching.

Occasional bubbles popped and hissed as they broke the surface, but nothing else disrupted the liquid anymore, not a limb, not a strand of hair.

Natla was submerged deep, deep, _deep_ in the eitr. Had been for hours, probably.

Natla was gone.

She noticed that her cheeks… hurt? Not due to an injury. She blinked, feeling her eyelids move reluctantly as if it was for the first time since her creator had started drowning. She reached up to her face. Ah, she was smiling. Her facial muscles had started feeling the strain. In her admittedly short life, she hadn’t remembered ever smiling more than a short smirk. Who could have thought smiling could hurt?

Her smile wilted a little. Who could have thought that she would ever have a reason to smile for so long?

Blinking again, the glittering of eitr wasn’t the only thing her senses focused on anymore. Her nose registered the sweetly sharp scent of the liquid, the putrid smell of rot with some whiffs of smoke. Her skin felt the mostly stale, cold air with the briefest of gentle gusts from the openings around. There was hissing of fire and soft scraping and dripping all around her, an unobtrusive background noise she had had no problem ignoring, but which now provided new things to wonder about.

Natla was gone.

She _could_ wonder about things now, uninterrupted.

Almost shyly, she tore her eyes from that woman’s liquid grave and let them flicker around. She stood up in a slow, fluid motion, and turning around she began inspecting her surroundings in amazement. She had been climbing and running around there, but now she had the time to just… look. There was no objective to reach. There was nothing she had to do.

She could do anything!

Climb that wall over there, irrelevant to her previous task. Jump on that crumbling pillar. Maybe do a handstand on it, for no reason whatsoever. Shoot at that fire with her pistols, it wouldn’t do anything, it would be completely nonsensical, yet she could! Or… or break something. Or… go… somewhere. And do… and do something. And then something else.

Something.

She could do _anything_.

She shuddered. The vast room suddenly became impossibly huge and empty, the walls too far away. Why was she feeling this? This… trepidation?

She had been excited when she had been freed, giddy with anticipation. Oh, she was still excited now! But... unsure? So terribly unsure. The ground under her feet felt unstable.

The background noises hadn’t changed, she thought. Then why were they so much louder now?

She could do anything.

She searched the enormous, gaping room with her eyes, examining all the numerous ways she could go. And she _could_. She could take any path. And there would be nothing to do at the end, yes she could go somewhere simply because she wanted to. It didn’t have to have a reason, a purpose! Nothing!

She could do anything.

Slowly, shakily, she lowered herself back on the slab of stone, legs folded beneath her and shoulders hunched, and studied her surroundings nervously.

She had killed all the thralls, and even if she hadn’t, she would have no problem fighting them off. So what was she _scared_ of? There was nothing here, just a lot of empty space.

Infinite possibilities.

She could do anything.

She huddled closer to the ground, moving her legs in front of her, hugging her knees to her chest as she stared at the world around her in a new-found realization: Freedom was terrifying.

Her vision unfocused and blurred.

An unusually loud crackle of fire had her head shooting up. Was she spacing out? She had to- no, she didn’t. Not anymore, she didn’t have to do anything. She could… just sit here. Forever.

But she didn’t want to. (She could _want_ now!) She wanted to… She wanted to…?

There was a sound, a repetitive sound that had started a while ago but only now its existence reached the forefront of her mind. It was so _loud_ , so _close_. And wasn’t stopping, but _quickening_. It took her too long to realize it was her breathing. She was inhaling and exhaling fast and loud, her chest heaving with the effort. Cold sweat was trickling down the back of her neck.

Why? She hadn’t exerted herself physically for hours!

And she could feel her heart beating, so noisy, she could feel it in her throat. She released one arm from the crushing grip on her legs and saw it trembling. She lowered her head, resting her chin on her knees and tried to slow down her breathing.

It didn’t want to. It didn’t want to slow down and her breath and her heart and the crackles and dripping were loud and they were everywhere, it was surrounding her it was all too large and she was too small, she was exposed, she had to avoid it, she had to hide, it was everywhere, _everything was everywhere_.

Too much.

Too much.

Everything.

Anything.

_Too much._

…

She shuddered.

She blinked blearily several times, but it took a while before she could focus on anything. What had happened? She tried to move and her body protested. She noticed that her fingers were gripping her upper arms, hard enough that her nails had left bloody crescents in the skin. She loosened them slowly, straightening in her sitting position despite the stiff muscles. She was sitting by a wall, in a shadowed corner overlooking the room. When did she get there? How long was she… She didn’t remember, she had been looking around and – _too large, too vast_ _-_

She shut her eyes again, breathing slowly with effort, deliberately, focusing only on that.

When she felt calmer, she carefully revisited the previous feeling: This new situation was overwhelming. Maybe acknowledging it would help. She really did hope so, because this here had been extremely uncomfortable. A new way of not being in control of herself, and wasn’t that ironic?

She needed to start small. Tiny steps going forward, to figure out what she really wanted to do.

She had all the time in the world, she didn’t have to decide quickly. There was no pressure. Apart from her own mind – no, a bad line of though, don’t think of that. There was no pressure. There was no possibility of doing this wrong because she followed no orders.

Yes, she could take her time. It would be fine.

Slowly opening her eyes, she studied one hand, stretching it forward. It was hardly even shaking anymore, just very little. She let out a relieved sigh.

Things she wanted to do… She had never been allowed to _want_ before.

Oh, but she still had wanted, hadn’t she? She sat up straighter. There had been things. Just fleeting, impossible wishes back then, but now she could make them real!

She could feel the excitement coming back, warming her limbs, which in turn made her all the more content. Yes, she didn’t have to worry, she could just revisit her older thoughts to give herself some direction. Make a list of things she wanted to do. And then add anything else that could cross her mind, or refuse some of her previous wishes because she changed her mind. Because she could. She could choose and none of these choices would be wrong. She could choose anything ever and – she felt her breath catch. No, that was too much, too many possibilities, remember, keep it small.

She took a deep breath, let it out. Calm.

Then, huffing in amusement, she remembered her greatest wish – killing Natla. Ah, she could cross that off of her list already. A very good start if she could say so herself.

She stood up, walking towards the exit and ignoring other ways. If she wanted to, she could come here later to explore, but really, there probably wasn’t much left to explore that would differ from what she’d already seen. For now – her past wishes. What else had she wished for?

It took just a moment to remember a horizon, a countryside stretching as far as the eyes could see.

She stumbled, stopped with one palm on the wall and waited until the light-headedness passed.

Very well, let’s leave endless horizons for later. Tempting as they had been – as they still were – to just run towards, to let her legs carry her without a care in the world, such approach offered too many options. She just hoped this dizziness every time she realized how huge the scope of possibilities was, was going to stop occurring soon.

She walked out, finding herself on a snowy plane, gusts of wind dragging snowflakes to one side and then another. At least for now, her goal was clear – she had to find a more welcoming location. She didn’t get cold as easily as she had seen humans do, but low temperatures did eventually slow her down and, she assumed, would kill her in the end.

She paused in her tracks.

Humans. That’s the word she had just thought, without including herself. It made sense, neither Natla nor Amanda made any attempts to hide they hadn’t considered her a fellow human. Or rather an equal, in Natla’s case, then again Natla hadn’t considered anyone her equal, so that hardly counted.

She started walking again, making her way towards where she knew would be the boat Amanda had arrived in when she’d followed them all to Helheim.

Yes, Natla might have considered everyone her lesser, but Amanda was treating the mercenaries she’d hired with more respect than… than her. Was it because the men were humans? Or because she wore Lara Croft’s face, someone whom Amanda hated?

Was she really not human, or was it Amanda’s lie?

She… she knew she could do things humans… other humans… humans couldn’t. She was stronger and faster. But Amanda could do things other humans couldn’t with the use of the Wraith Stone.

What if it was similar, only whatever made her different wasn’t an external object, but rather the substance she was made of? Would it make a difference?

She jumped forward, clearing a ten-meter wide crevice in the ice, and landed in the snow on the other side, continuing on her way.

How would one define a human anyway? By appearance and biology? By sentience? By how one felt?

She felt… simply like herself. But how could one know how others felt, to compare these feeling? How would she knew if humans felt like her, or if maybe every human felt so differently from one another it didn’t matter anyway? Was there a universal way of feeling human?

She frowned. This was a useless line of thought. Should she even care? What would it give her to know? What would change if she found out for sure she wasn’t human? What would it give her if she found out she _was_ human? If she wanted to interact with others inconspicuously, she only needed others to believe she was a human.

She ran up a perfectly vertical icy cliff, vaulting over the edge, making her way towards the sea that was now finally visible in the distance.

Would being a human make her feel more included, feeling more sense of belonging in this world? Debatable. Even if she were simply a human born in a very unusual way, it wouldn’t change that the way she had lived so far had been much too different from others. She didn’t even have a childhood, something no other person in the world could probably say, not in such a literal way anyway.

Even if she were human, she hadn’t been living like one.

Even if she weren’t human, she could make others believe so.

Therefore it didn’t matter, she could work with either depending on what a situation required. She felt content with this conclusion.

She arrived at the boat. It would hopefully have enough fuel to last her to the nearest port. She had already made use of it, travelling to Surrey and back, and even though she continued as a stowaway on a plane from the port, the boat’s fuel still couldn’t last forever.

Climbing in, she went to check the controls first, searching for the fuel gauge. She frowned at it. That… wasn’t very good. She might need to swim part of the way.

Deciding to find some information about the fuel consumption on this boat to confirm her suspicions, her thoughts wandered back to the previous journey. Surrey. Lara Croft’s mansion. Maybe she could travel there, share the good news about Natla.

She dismissed this option immediately. It felt too much like reporting back after successfully completing a task, and just imagining doing something like that _now_ made her skin crawl. Never again. She could inform Lara Croft later, in some casual way, maybe send a message. While she deserved to know about Natla, she could wait.

She… didn’t exactly want to see Lara Croft anyway. It only reminded her that she was a clone. It had been the fact of her existence from the very beginning, and she had accepted it when she had known she couldn’t have a life of her own. A copy. A superior copy in many ways, but a copy nonetheless. Now she could have her own life. Be herself, whoever that was.

She could feel her stomach clench a little, uncomfortable at the sheer number of possibilities and _how would she even_ _start finding_ _out who she_ _wa_ _s_ but the cupboard she was just opening saved her by giving her what she searched for.

She pulled out a slightly worn, thick book. She quickly scanned the contents and flipped pages to the relevant part. It made her wonder briefly, how the skill to control and maintain a boat – alone to boot, as this one was built for several people operating it – wasn’t probably a skill most humans possessed, yet she could manage easily, while other skills like… she paused in the middle of turning a page, letting her sight lose focus as she wondered about what were common human skills. Cooking? She’d never even tried it. Or doing sports, for fun. There were rules for the games the mercenaries sometimes watched on TV, but she couldn’t watch long enough to catch them. Maybe she could make it one of her objectives – to learn to play some ball game. Football? Or basketball, that was the one where they bounced the ball off the ground with their hand while they ran.

Yes, she could add that to her mental list. And the cooking. She ate little, but she knew she had to, and now there was no source of food for her readily available. She had to find something. And later try different foods? People seemed to enjoy some more than others, but she never had a choice in it and never found eating to be more than a necessity.

Contemplating making the list of goals physical, actually writing it down on a piece of paper, she realized she’d been staring into a wall with the manual still in her lap.

Right, focus. She could think about this later. She was managing her own time now, she was responsible to not make it a mess and fulfil her own goals.

She turned back to the book and finally read the relevant information. Her eyes narrowed. It would be close enough. Depending on the weather conditions, she might even get all the way to the port.

Ah, wait. One more thing to check. Taking a look at the schematics in the book, she made her way straight to the crates on the other side, and true to her expectations, she found several red portable fuel tanks in one of them. Good, that simplified things.

Returning to the manual, she made sure the fuel tanks she’d found contained the same type of fuel as specified in the book. Then her eyes registered something she wouldn’t have really cared for before, but now gave her a pause: Safety precautions.

The manual was quite thorough, check the engine, the generator, run some diagnostics, allocate safety gear… the list continued. She knew she hadn’t exactly been kind to the boat the previous time she’d used it, not caring about much of anything before her – presumably final – task, and then her revenge.

But she had reasons to be careful now. Not to complete a task, but simply for… herself. And she was in no hurry, so she should very well just go through the whole list. And yes, she could admit, it was calming to go through a clear set of instructions, as much as that thought irritated her. Then again, she would _ch_ _o_ _ose_ to follow these instructions, so did that differ from the list of things to do that she was making in her own head? No, it didn’t.

She started to go through the checklist, making sure the boat was safe and ready to set sail.

Being more considerate to things about her, and not just because she had been ordered to – a smirk tugged at her lips at the memory of Natla’s order to not damage the device – was a strange feeling, not one she was used to, but not one she really minded.

Finally all ready, she started up the boat. One glance back at the ice-covered island she was leaving left her with a dizzy combination of relief and insecurity, so instead she turned ahead, to her very clear goal – reaching the port. That would do for now, that was enough.

After some time, when she cleared the small icebergs and was sure the sailing would be uneventful for quite a while, she left the cabin, deciding to get some of the food she had found during the preliminary checks. She was feeling a little hungry, she hadn’t eaten since she had left Tisiphone, which had been well over two weeks ago. That was… actually quite longer than she usually went without food, but it might have had something to do with the areas full of eitr she’d been finding herself in lately. While harmful to direct touch, she suspected the vapour in the air had been affecting her. She didn’t remember much of her own creation, of her “birth”, but thick, bright blue vapours were some of her very first memories. Along with Natla’s voice, the words of command-

She shook her head. It was over. Now, she was alone. Now, she would eat.

The rations she had found weren’t much different from what she was used to, which was a little disappointing, but there would be time to try different food later. So she chewed slowly, wondering if she would try going to… a restaurant? That was what it was called, if she remembered correctly. She frowned at her own patchy knowledge of the world, she was quite certain that this was fairly basic information.

Information. She needed sources of information. She had listened to the mercenaries gossiping, she had heard some songs they listened to on the radio, occasionally she’d come across them watching television, but it was harder to remain unseen while trying to watch that. When she had time and was lucky, she could read a part of some book someone left lying around. It offered more vocabulary, but not much in terms of knowledge, she had felt. And even the new words were not always easy to figure out just from context. And who could she ask for explanations? The mercenaries? They feared her. Amanda? She would laugh at best, or insult her, or become suspicious, and Natla had been very clear about not making Amanda suspicious about anything. Even if that was mostly about Natla’s own plans, not learning new vocabulary. And asking Natla?

She grimaced. Natla didn’t even _want_ her to talk, unless absolutely necessary. Natla had taught her to speak – in quite a different way than the mercenaries around, actually more similar to Lara Croft, once she had been able to compare – but didn’t like her to comment on things. Probably didn’t like any show of independent will, including thoughts.

She gritted her teeth. So she had kept her thoughts for herself. Mostly. Her mouth twisted into a toothy grin. She could have hardly missed the opportunity to comment of Natla’s burned, mutilated body, when she had felt the control had slipped enough in the meantime. Natla had “corrected” that soon enough but… It had felt so good.

Any little piece of _disobedience_ felt so good, and now, after being ordered to kill herself? Her simply existing was disobeying Natla’s orders!

She leaned back in the seat, her smile going wide. She wanted to live, for herself. But if it was also in spite of Natla, then all the better. And if she would live while Natla had died, considering Natla’s plans had been precisely the opposite… oh, it was too perfect.

She rested on the seat, content with simply being and Natla not being, that when she jerked awake, the sky outside darkened with stars, she couldn’t even remember falling asleep.

She stretched after lying in the not too big of a seat and went to check where she was and if she’d strayed off-course. She shouldn’t be falling asleep when there was no other crew member to keep an eye on things – it wasn’t like she needed to sleep as often as other people – but that was a lesson for next time: Don’t get too comfortable when you don’t want to sleep. Also something she hadn’t had much opportunity to test in the past. Just sitting around doing nothing? Preposterous. Amanda would have thrown some stupid task at her just to keep her busy, or Natla would continue her “education”, which was more about the best ways to outsmart and kill Lara Croft than actually useful skills.

Oh, Natla had made sure she could read and write, and she herself had been ordered to study mechanics and geography and a few other things from approved sources but… she was taught what they would consider useful for themselves, not for her. Nothing was ever _for_ her. She wasn’t a somebody to them.

Such cheerful thoughts. As if she hadn’t been well aware of all of this before. She wondered how much Amanda even knew about her having… thoughts. Did she consider her mindless? Natla was aware of her mind, that was why she hadn’t let her speak it. But Amanda?

Annoyance pricked at her.

Why did she keep thinking about these two anyway? She frowned and took the door handle more forcefully than she meant to, making it groan. She released her grip – not a good idea to damage the boat now.

Checking the course, she was pleased to find out she hadn’t strayed in the past five hours. At least that was the time she’d been sleeping, according to the clock.

She leaned on the wall, gazing forward at the sea, stretching far and wide. There was no anxiety creeping up at that view, probably because she knew where she was going rather than wandering aimlessly. She walked out into the frigid air and let the wind play with her braid.

She looked up, studying the stars. She liked it. They were… pretty. It felt peaceful. She stood there for a while, just enjoying the moment.

Eventually, the cold started getting at her. She breathed out one last puff of white fog and returned inside. She sat down. There was nothing to do now. What had she been doing the last time during this travel? It’s been less than a day since she had been on this way, only the opposite course. It felt like such a long time ago… and she had spent it going mentally through the mechanism that had been healing Natla, figuring out the best course of action, pacing in anticipation, imagining how it would feel to finally be rid of her…

Because she had had plans then, plans that required some sort of preparation. Now her only plan was to arrive at the port and then. Then… She focused on her breath making sure to inhale and exhale slowly to prevent any sort of panic. She had wanted to wait until she got to the port to decide what to do next, but how would that help? Would something there suddenly inspire her? Would she know simply because it would be slightly later than now?

No, she was stalling. Avoiding further decisions. When she would arrive at the port, an idea wouldn’t miraculously appear in her mind, she had to decide herself what to do. She might as well deal with it now, as much as she didn’t feel like it.

At least decide on something. The next step after arriving there. She didn’t want to stay there, did she? She didn’t particularly enjoy the way the port looked, she would have hoped for something more… colourful, varied. A larger place, with more people she could watch and learn from without being noticed, and some nature that offered more than rocks and frozen water. It was interesting, but she had already seen enough, at least for now. She wanted to see more, other parts of the world, from up close and not just from photographs. She wanted to _experience_ it.

Very well, after arriving to the port, she wanted to continue on. There weren’t many options there – she could continue inland, possibly on foot, and end up in the middle of frozen nowhere. Or she could refuel this boat and sail on, or take a different boat. Boats were quite slow though, she didn’t want to sit and wait for days again. Then she could take a plane, a faster option but harder to get off of if she decided on changing the destination midway.

A plane still sounded the best, but it meant having decided on the next step already too… Alright, what did she have on her list so far? Learn cooking and basketball and try different kinds of food. None of that really required one specific location. Maybe she could just get on the first plane and see where it took her?

No, she wanted it to be her own decision. Which places did she know? Where she could find interesting food, yes, let’s start with food. Croft Manor – but she had already decided not to go there. Tisiphone – probably still anchored somewhere in the Andaman sea, and anyway she wasn’t interested in the ship, she could hardly operate such an enormous ship alone to use for transportation. And she already knew what kind of food had been there. No, not Tisiphone either, unless she just went there to find if any mercenaries survived, and if it was any of those who were brave and stupid enough to make disgusting comments about her. She could kill those. But… no, not worth the effort, Lara Croft probably killed most anyway.

Ah, and if any survived, the ship itself might not be there anymore. Would they just take it and disappear? Or would they wait for Amanda? Did Amanda make it back on… the ship…

Amanda again… She kept returning to her thoughts. Not unexpected, Amanda and Natla truly were the only people she had anything more but passing acquaintance with, not that that was saying much.

An idea. A good idea? Were there any good and bad ideas?

She could kill Amanda.

If Amanda was still alive, then she had more than she deserved, really, for the way she treated her.

She was no-one’s slave anymore and she would prove it to Amanda the same way she had proved it to Natla. Then maybe she wouldn’t be on her mind so often.

Cut these ties, start a new life. No, start _a_ life.

She liked this plan. Now, where could Amanda be? Last time she had seen her was in Helheim, Amanda came to help Lara Croft. Good. As much as she didn’t like Amanda, Natla being betrayed by whom she had considered her pawn would always be a source of joy.

Now then, Amanda might have been killed by Natla after that. Right. That… would be quite reasonable to assume. But she had learnt quite a few things about Amanda’s past – from Natla, funnily enough, maybe to know Amanda’s weak spots, if Natla ever send her to kill Amanda as well?

In any case, what she had learnt about Amanda promised a good chance that the woman would have survived this time too. Always surviving… she wouldn’t be so lucky this time.

Then, if she survived Helheim, she would have probably left with Lara Croft too, or at least the same way. The route they had come in originally had been blocked up by rocks, and they could hardly climb the way she went in, so whichever way they went –

Her eyes widened. There was one way. She had learnt of these places before, how couldn’t she, sometimes that was all Amanda would talk about, maybe not even realizing how much her audience would comprehend. That route... It was how Lara Croft’s mother had travelled to Helheim.

She might not have paid much attention at that time, but now it was easy to remember that it had been right there, on the stone dais, where she had found Natla. Had that old crone been trying to use the transport too, not knowing if anyone would come to offer an unwilling helping hand? Either she hadn’t had enough time or it hadn’t worked. Or hadn’t worked… anymore?

Amanda had been mentioning a sword, needed to activate the portal. The sword… would teleport along with the person. Lara Croft and Amanda had taken it then, if there had been one. If they had really taken this route. That was still unsure, but about the best lead so far, so she continued that line of thought.

She sprawled in the chair, thumping her feet onto the opposing one, slouching in a way which Natla would haughtily disapprove of and which Amanda would consider a reason to send her clean the toilets.

This was so much fun.

If they had used the portal, where would they go? To any other of the locations with the dais? Would there be a way to find out which? How many were there?

Oh, and it was uncertain she would find Amanda anywhere close to the location she had actually arrived at, given that it had been over a week... but the hope was here, or it could still give her some lead to where Amanda had gone after – maybe some locals would have seen her.

But if she didn’t even know which place to start at, she might as well search the whole world.

She scoffed.

Killing Amanda was just something that offered a clear goal for the moment, but it wasn’t so important to spend years or decades on. If she wouldn’t find her fast enough, she would probably shelf that goal for whenever the opportunity might arise and focus on something else in the meanwhile.

Well then – did she have any idea where Lara Croft and Amanda might have landed? Could it have been set to the last travelled location? But that would have probably been Lara Croft’s mother, which meant the other direction.

Or… the direction might not have mattered.

Could the two have landed where Amelia Croft had travelled from?

She knew what place it was. She knew it, she had definitely heard about it, Natla had mentioned it, if only to use for psychological warfare against Lara Croft. It was a mountain location…

Nepal, that was it! The Himalayas in Nepal! Still, that was a large area.

She rolled her head on the armrest, staring through the window at the starry skies. More information… Could she find it elsewhere? Such an air crash had probably been mentioned on the news. But where to find such old news? Would people in Nepal know? Were plane crashes rare enough there that it would be of interest?

Too many questions, but she had a tentative course of action, for now. Even if Amanda wouldn’t be there, at least she could… try the local cuisine? That was a good enough reason to travel anywhere, so she could as well start there.

She huffed out a breath with contentment. She had decided on where to go. Now for _how_ to get there. She suspected that the most straightforward route would be from London, by a plane. All the London airports combined had so much traffic, surely there would be a flight straight to Nepal. Kathmandu, most probably, she didn’t imagine there would be many international airports in the country.

Well, at least Natla’s insistence to learn geography was useful, otherwise this planning would be impossible.

London it was, then. She would _not_ visit Lara Croft, even though she would probably be nearby, unless she had moved to a spare residence in the meanwhile. She probably owned more than one house, clearly she had the money.

Money.

That had been… such a non-issue in her life so far. It had actually taken her a while to understand the concept. The geography studies did require some knowledge, but she had probably learnt more about the practical side of things by listening to the mercenaries - and occasionally when Amanda complained about budgeting. Apparently, Amanda had a lot of money, and so did Lara Croft. The mercenaries had been getting a sizeable amount of money for their work, because it was dangerous. Natla had had no money and hadn’t cared, though in the past, when she had been pretending to be a human, she had had a lot of money too.

How strange to then find out that most people didn’t have such large amounts of money. That there were actually people with so little money, they were starving because they didn’t have the money to buy food.

She would just take the food without paying for it then. But these people were probably too weak to fight the people the food belonged to.

Well, she was strong, so she could take what she wanted. She _would_ take what she wanted. People used money for almost anything, to make people do things – clearly they didn’t have handy enslaving words like Natla had, and that was quite a relief – or to get food or supplies or any other objects, but what were they going to do if she took something? Humans couldn’t win against her.

Or maybe they could, if there was many of them…

She sat up, suddenly wondering. Would it be a better idea to get some money? Then she could get things with less hassle. And she wouldn’t need to sneak into the plane because she could buy a place on board. Maybe people preferred to pay for things because it was simpler that way.

If they had the money. Which she didn’t.

Then she could steal some money and use that. That would mean she’d only do one thing people would disagree with but later she’d avoid other inconveniences by paying for things.

But she didn’t have a very clear idea how much things were worth. Well, she had a very general idea. Or a specific idea for certain things. The mercenaries had had a lengthy discussion about cigarettes once, comparing their quality and price.

Cigarettes weren’t something she was interested in buying though, apparently they were quite unhealthy too, and they weren’t essential to life at all. It seemed they smoked them because it felt good. She wanted to try things that felt good, but for now she would rather avoid things that would hurt her in the process.

Still, money could be useful to have, they seemed very versatile. Right, she would look for some when she docked.

And what to do now? She didn’t feel like thinking about her future any more for the moment. Should she do some more maintenance on the boat? Try to sleep again?

She looked around the cabin from her position in the chair. What did people do on boats when they didn’t have to steer them? What did they do for their amusement? She would just search all around until she found out. Surely not even Amanda could spend all her time meditating with the Wraith Stone – if meditation was the right word.

It didn’t take much time, ten minutes maybe, before she found a bookshelf. A few dozens of books at best but… how exciting! Why hadn’t it occurred to her earlier? She could read books freely now, and not only those she was allowed for her studies. She could read _anything_.

She started taking them out one by one, but none of the titles told her much about the contents. Looking inside, she found out they were mostly history books and some fiction. Perfect. She had never had the opportunity to _study_ history, she was only told a few things here and there. What was the past of this world? How was the world even created? How had countries come to be? Now that she started thinking about it, the amount of questions was large and growing with her every thought.

The fiction books would surely be interesting too, but for now she wanted facts. She wanted to know everything.

* * *

It should have taken her almost three days to arrive to the port, but it didn’t feel like it. She hadn’t slept during that time, or eaten, only had to deal with minor diversions from the intended course due to a mild storm and had to refuel the tank when the controls warned her about its near-emptiness.

She had spent the time reading, not hiding, not hoping that Amanda wouldn’t come anytime soon to give her some dull or irritating task. No, she had read in the daylight and in the lamplight with no-one to interrupt her.

Seeing the port coming close brought out a feeling of disappointment. Yes, she could read more if she wanted, but she had a task ahead, task that was time sensitive – even if the hunt might’ve already been doomed to failure – and reading by torchlight in a dark cargo hold of an airplane didn’t sound as enticing. She also couldn’t easily carry the little library and abandoning the books, especially those she hadn’t read yet, filled her with unexpected indignation.

Maybe she could find something to carry them in. A backpack should be enough, surely there had to be one.

Searching the boat for the first time in days while the shore drew closer and closer, she found a rucksack that was ideal for her plans. She stuffed all the books in, leaving out the one she was in the middle of reading. Then she added in an electric torch that was indeed found on the boat, some remaining food rations and water. Maybe she could have added more, but she couldn’t imagine what she might need anyway. She had been doing quite well with almost nothing on her missions. She hadn’t needed a backpack before. Her pistols were on her hips, a small compass in her pocket…

Thinking of that, she remembered. It couldn’t still be… could it? She had never given it back, had she? There was no reason after all, not after Amanda got the Wraith Stone back…

With mounting excitement, she rummaged in her tight pockets. The compass was still there, yes, and also a pencil she’d swiped when she’d found it abandoned, and a spare hair tie and – there it was!

A small device, easily fitting into her palm like a tiny Geiger counter. Rather than radioactivity though, this piece of machinery responded to a very specific kind of energy.

Knowing the Wraith Stone had probably been in the Croft Manor hadn’t been the most accurate of information, after all, the house had still been extensive. The detector had been very helpful in finding the location of the Stone quickly. It didn’t work on very long distances but…

This could help immensely, once she was on Amanda’s trail.

With a pleased smile, she pocketed the device again, shrugged on the rucksack, took the remaining book in her hand and walked out onto the deck, where she continued reading until she reached the dock.

There, she jumped ashore without bothering with whatever procedures it was expected to go through while docking. She had left the boat away from the dock the first time to avoid the same, but this time she didn’t have to worry about getting it back. She didn’t need the boat anymore.

Someone was calling after her and she disappeared behind a corner, jumping onto the roof so that when he came running after her, he searched uselessly until he finally gave up.

Good.

Now to find the airport – she already knew the way.

And board a plane secretly – she already knew how to.

She tried to read while walking, but it was difficult with the distractions – some passer-bys were staring at her, as was always the case the few times any people from what she could probably call the “general public” had seen her. She didn’t look _inhuman_ , but she looked like a strange human, which was still worthy of the others’ attention. Mostly, it was the yellow eyes, she thought. Her hair was not a shade found naturally, but apparently people like to dye their hair. He pale skin could be a little worrying, but possibly just as a sign of some illness to those not in the know. Her clothes… well, she had not thought her clothes to be strange, but she had not much to compare it to. The mercenaries wore uniforms, Natla worse all white, Amanda wore all black… ah, after all, these _were_ Amanda’s clothes. Amanda had been apparently quite angry with sharing, judging from a few verbal jabs from Natla, and that was slightly humorous, but it was also… ah, could “demeaning” be the word? Not even her clothes were hers. She would need to change them when the opportunity presented itself.

Either way, considering they had been Amanda’s, it would have made sense that they were indeed clothes “normal” people wore. Some of the clothes she had seen Lara Croft wear didn’t look all that different ether. But how was she to judge? Maybe there were some nuances she had no idea about. She would need to look into that later.

Clothes, a new item on her mental list.

Watching other people as she made her way towards the airport, book abandoned in her hand, it occurred to her that they had more layers. Yes, it was cold, but not extremely so. She was more resilient, but they didn’t know, so maybe their stares were simply because of her lack of clothing, rather than the style.

Her eyes were still a problem though. No human seemed to have those. They had several different colours but none such bright yellow and the centre was always black, not white.

She could probably find some sunglasses, apparently those were a fairly common accessory. She probably wouldn’t find any just lying around though. If she cornered one person in private, she could demand them, the question was just how to find –

She slowed in her stride. Money. She had been thinking about money a few days ago, how that was what people used to obtain things. If she had money, she could just purchase some glasses. She had planned to look for some money anyway.

But now, finally in the civilization, with people all around who supposedly carried some money, she realized she had no idea how to do it. Where were they carrying them? Should she execute her previous idea with a robbery, but rather than demanding sunglasses, she would demand money?

With such unusual look though, they would remember her, called on others the moment she would depart with the stolen money. And that could cause trouble while paying for a seat in the plane.

She could kill the person she would take the money from.

No. She didn’t want to. Killing, not so surprisingly, was considered a very bad deed among humans. She understood it. She was looking forward to finally living her life. Someone preventing her from doing that by killing her would ruin all that. She would only kill those who deserved it. Like Natla or Amanda.

That still left the problem of obtaining money without anyone noticing.

Maybe she could leave it for later. She could still stow away with no need for money, and she was in a hurry, after all. She had to catch Amanda.

She stopped dead in her tracks, causing some people walking behind her to murmur in annoyance as they had to avoid her.

Amanda. Amanda had a lot money. And she wouldn’t need them once she was dead.

She smiled. It was all coming together beautifully.

The airport appeared in her sight when she turned the next corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments, observations or questions are welcome ;) This chapter kind of doubled as a character study and I'm still not sure if I have a good enough grasp on DG's character, as we really don't have much canonical information to work with.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amanda, freezing deep in the Himalayan mountains, isn't having a good time. But of course it can always get worse, as the one who finally finds her is definitely not a rescue party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter than the previous one, but it felt like a good place to end it. Also the previous chapter didn't have much direct speech, but this one will hopefully make up for it :D

Amanda shuddered with cold and curled up tighter with her back against the icy wall, not for the first time wishing she had jumped into the eitr when she’d had the chance instead of slowly freezing to death in the middle of nowhere. She dismissed the thought in anger, as quickly as all the previous times. She would get out of this. Somehow. She would wait until the storm ended and then… limp with a possibly broken leg through endless snowy slopes…

At least she was out of the crumbling monastery. Yes it had been a good shelter against the weather, but that was where its usefulness ended. Fitfully sleeping in crevices, hoping snow leopards wouldn’t find her and floor wouldn’t fall apart right under her. Climbing the ruins with her injuries and with no climbing gear, holding herself by fingers numb from the cold. It had been slow, dangerous and boring at the same time. And utterly exhausting. She had been quite surprised when she had managed to finally get out instead of falling to her death trying.

Lara was probably long gone. Amanda felt anger rise in her chest, despite her tiredness. Lara, how compassionate, how ruthless, whatever benefited her at the moment. Amanda should’ve left her in Helheim, to show her how that felt.

She still wasn’t sure what had made her decide to reach out with her hand in the end. Maybe brief gratefulness for finding a way out of there? Some dumb sentiment? Lara could go screw herself for all she cared.

A small smile found its way onto Amanda’s face remembering that Lara’s house got burned down, so at least her return wouldn’t be to the comfort of her good old home. Served her right. And one of her friends had died? How _tragic_.

The flash of memory, James dying in Amanda’s arms, sparked her anger anew and she gripped her legs tighter, not due to cold this time. Despite the years gone by, Lara’s casual way of killing _anyone_ in her path gave Amanda all the reason not to feel a smidge of compassion for her.

Whatever. She couldn’t keep getting angry here and waste her energy. There would be time for it later, when she was safe. It couldn’t be that hard to reach civilization, now could it? If Lara managed it at the age _nine_ , Amanda would manage as a grown adult with a few damn injuries.

As soon as the storm ended, she would continue.

She exhaled slowly, forcing herself to ignore her stomach that started growling again. She hadn’t eaten since… well, however long she had been in Nepal. The snow hardly counted, but it had helped in preventing dying of thirst.

It also made her feel colder. Amanda was so very cold.

She raised one hand towards her neck, where she had attached the Wraith Stone, a familiar weight returned back after several years. There wasn’t much she could do with it at the moment – she had learnt a long time ago that the more its energy was depleted, the longer it took for the same amount of energy to recharge. Ending up empty even prompted a period of three to four days before it started charging at all, not capable of anything but glowing a bit. That period had passed by now, but its energy was still very low.

Nevertheless, it wasn’t completely dead anymore and Amanda was fairly sure that in some way, it was helping her. Sharing some of that energy, maybe, or making her just a little bit warmer. She had never managed to understand what exactly it was the Wraith Stone could do without her prompting, but the general idea clearly was: keeping her alive. She would prefer complete control, of course, on the other hand this allowed to protect her well-being even while she couldn’t focus enough, or wasn’t conscious at all.

That, she had experienced mere minutes after first finding it. And then had it confirmed by several more brushes with death. So no, she didn’t have complete control of the Wraith Stone and the being residing within, but that was also the only reason she was still alive, so she had begrudgingly accepted the trade-off.

Honestly, she had gotten so used to this safety net, it was almost miraculous that she hadn’t died during those years when the Stone had laid stolen in Lara’s vault.

Ugh, Lara. She kept thinking about her. Lara was of no consequence now. If Amanda would never in her life see her again, it would be still too soon.

The light in the little cavern Amanda was hiding in grew darker. It couldn’t be the sunset yet, could it? Was the storm getting worse?

She looked up, towards the opening she had tried to close as best as she could with packed snow before she’d grown too tired. There, instead of the violently fluttering snowflakes was… something.

Dammit! If a predator found her now –

It moved and Amanda readied herself to waste the meagre power of the Stone on a desperate defence, when she noticed… a hand. A human! Could she be saved rather than mauled to death?

The hand tore away some of the snow to widen the entrance. It seemed to be a woman, someone familiar. _Too_ familiar.

Lara?!

Had she decided to suddenly play the good guy again? Let Amanda freeze for several days to drum up the gratefulness? Though luck, Amanda would rather die right there and then. She stared belligerently as Lara stepped in. There were less than two metres between them, but with her body blocking the only source of light, there wasn’t much more than unmistakeable silhouette, rather lightly dressed for such weather.

Then she moved closer, silent and lithe like a cat and bright yellow eyes told Amanda how wrong she had been. Both about this person’s identity and the belief that she would be more likely saved than mauled.

Natla’s little creation was staring at her, now unmoving. It had an intense look, hungry almost, and worryingly satisfied. Had Natla’s given it specific orders in case of her death, such as killing Amanda if she were still alive? And for that matter why was _this thing_ still alive, couldn’t it at least die like a normal human, if nothing else?

“Will you stop staring!” Amanda rasped when she couldn’t take the creepy eyes anymore. If it wasn’t going to kill her right away, she might as well not let it play some sort of intimidation game. She didn’t expect any answer, the thing wasn’t capable of complicated thoughts as far as she was aware, but it wasn’t like people didn’t talk to dogs as well, was it?

All she got in response was a tilt of its head and a slight widening of its smile.

A… dog. Could that be it? With Natla dead, had Amanda become its new master? That could be useful for getting out of here. “Do you...” she started, not permitting herself to show any hope, “answer to me now?”

The fierce scowl almost made her jerk back, but that was nothing compared to the cold realization when the creature answered: “I answer to no-one. And I want you dead.”

It could talk! And think. And its voice was so much like Lara’s, down to the accent, only echoing strangely and Amanda was faced with the fact that something – _someone_ she had treated as little more than a draught animal was crouching in front of her, out of anyone’s control, with an intent to kill in its – _her_ eyes.

Amanda really had thought Natla had created a human shaped animal, at best. She had done so before. But this time, she had created a person instead. Maybe she shouldn’t have been so shocked, she had never known the extent of Natla’s knowledge and abilities. But maybe she should have at least suspected, so she wouldn’t be surprised when that person, if given the opportunity, came to exact her revenge.

Well, sent by Natla or by her own will, the goal still was the same. Amanda’s death.

“Fuck,” Amanda rasped in angry resignation.

The other’s face turned amused at that. About to die or not, Amanda couldn’t help but wonder how this – this woman had managed to hide her emotions until now.

“And I want your money.”

What.

“What?”

“Your money,” the redhead repeated evenly. “It seems useful. And you won’t need it anymore.”

“Go to hell!”

Amanda couldn’t believe her! Thinking person she might have been, but her way of “asking” for things deserved no other answer.

The reaction to that was amusement again, with a quirk of her eyebrow – dammit, Lara’s creepy clone knew damn well she had all the advantage here – and then she started looking Amanda over, still without moving from her crouch.

Hmm. Maybe Amanda did have one advantage after all.

“You won’t find more than spare change in my pockets. And that’s worth really little,” she quickly added, in case the phrase “spare change” hadn’t been understood. “If you kill me, you’ll lose your chance to get your hands on more.”

The redhead contemplated it for barely two seconds. “I can find money elsewhere. You’re just a convenient source. I was looking for you anyway, after all.” Ah a creepy smile again.

“Well you won’t get any!” Amanda hissed. “Unless...” she narrowed her eyes in calculation. Was it stupid? Probably. But if she was about to die anyway, she might as well try bargaining. “If you help me get to civilization, I’ll give you some. A lot, more than you can easily find elsewhere,” she specified, though she wasn’t sure if that person knew what would be considered a lot anyway.

The woman’s eyes were intense, the intelligence in them made Amanda once again wonder how the hell she could’ve missed it. Maybe the being before her wasn’t human, but she could act like one perfectly, when she wanted to.

She inclined her head in agreement.

Wait, really?

“That is acceptable. I can kill you a little later.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Amanda called out in indignation, her throat aching. Was the freak dense after all?! “I give you money and you won’t kill me at all!”

That smirk. So it had been a joke, how bloody amazing, knowing her future murderer had a sense of humour! “So do you agree or not?” Amanda asked through her gritted teeth.

“No,” the woman said easily, looking her over with renewed hunger. “It wasn’t easy to find you, I won’t abandon my goal now.”

Losing any dredges patience and caution, Amanda sneered. She was dead anyway. “Right, always fulfilling your tasks perfectly, nice to see _that_ hasn’t changed.” It was a weak jab, but the redhead recoiled, eyes wide, before switching to cold fury:

“I am free, I can _do_ and _not do_ anything I want!”

...Ah! Struck a nerve then. “And if Natla was alive, I’m sure she’d send you to kill me. Funny how that turned out.”

“I don’t care what _she_ would want!” So much vitriol in that one word.

“But you’re doing it anyway,” Amanda let dark amusement colour her words.

The woman closed one fist, breaking whatever she was holding into pieces. Amanda recognized the scraps of plastic and metal lying on the icy ground – the detector for locating her Wraith Stone. Oh! Stupid, so stupid! Why hadn’t she taken it back along with the Stone?

“I have my own reasons.”

Yes, Amanda could imagine those reasons easily. Note to herself, if she by some miracle survived this: Do not mistreat seemingly mindless drones. Especially if they are capable of killing you.

Out loud, she said: “What worth are any _reasons_?” She shifted a little, trying to sit upright to give her words some weight. “No matter how you try to justify it, if the result’s the same, nothing changed.” Not that Amanda really believed that, but the important part was if the other woman did.

And she did seem to at least be contemplating it, glaring daggers at Amanda, but with thoughts clearly swirling behind those narrowed eyes.

“The result won’t be the same,” she finally said, and dammit, those words didn’t bode well. “If Natla commanded me, I _would_ be just following orders. But like this, the result will include my own satisfaction. She didn’t want me to feel… anything. Or think anything,” bitterness entered her tone.

“Natla was a bitch, I can hardly disagree with that,” Amanda sneered, noticing some unintended bitterness in her own tone. “She was useful, but in the end she was just playing with us all.”

“You seemed quite happy to be played until she gave me the order to stop you from attacking Lara Croft.” The accusation was clear as day, but there was some curiosity in it too. Was she asking Amanda to explain her reasoning? No problem, anything to stall her own murder.

“I wanted to get to Avalon, and Natla was my best bet. Whatever crazy thing she wanted to do there herself, I didn’t expect it to include _tearing the world apart_ ,” Amanda threw up one hand up. “She was crazier than I’d thought.”

The redhead shifted into a little more comfortable position in her crouch, a little less like she was about to spring up and catch Amanda by the throat. It didn’t mean much, especially with her supernatural speed, nevertheless Amanda felt slightly more at ease. Stalling worked, clearly. Stalling worked, because the being in front of her had a mind of her own and was _curious_. An independent mind – the same thing that wanted Amanda dead was also saving her from dying. She could almost laugh at the irony.

“Crazier?” the woman asked. “So you knew she was crazy, but getting to Helheim was more important than being wary of her. Why?”

“Why?” Amanda repeated, a flood of thoughts and reasonings immediately ready to pour out. But this wasn’t a fellow student back at the university, when Amanda would ramble about her obsessions and either pique someone’s interest or receive an eye-roll. It had been there, the last time anyone had actually asked about these things. Not even James really cared– Amanda squashed down that thought.

She couldn’t get distracted now.

She focused instead on explaining. It used to be her favourite topic, once, and she could still talk extensively about what she’d learnt. She should keep it brief. No need to look crazy herself, if she started rambling.

“I have always known there was something more than conventional science claimed. Finding Avalon – or Helheim – would have been the definite proof. I could share the lost knowledge with the world.” There. Concise, reasonable.

“Why?”

Oh god, now the artificial human was starting to sound her chronological age.

“Because people used to have this knowledge,” Amanda was explaining patiently, restraining herself, “but they lost it. It’s only right that it should be rediscovered.”

“Why?” The only reason Amanda didn’t start growling in frustration was because the other woman seemed genuinely puzzled and curious, not mocking.

“Because it would bring them understanding not only of the world, but of themselves. That there is something more to us than just the flesh of our bodies. It would bring knowledge about our souls, a spiritual enlightenment of humanity…!” She stopped herself rather abruptly, noticing that she’d been about to start rambling after all.

The redhead’s stare was more intent now. “Knowledge about themselves...” She said, mostly to herself though, so Amanda didn’t reply. Was she wondering about her own existence? With the cognitive abilities she obviously had, it only made sense.

Her next question, with her head cocked slightly to look almost innocent, was finally different: “What is… spiritual enlightenment?”

Amanda spared half a second to wonder about the absurdity of the whole situation. Freezing in the middle of nowhere in the Himalayan mountains, discussing mysticism with someone who wanted to kill her and who was also the clone of the person who used to hold lengthy debates with Amanda about the very same topic.

“In short, pretty much exactly what I said – the absolute knowledge of the world, of yourself, of all of existence. The _meaning_ of all of existence. Understanding… everything,” Amanda faltered by the end. It had been a long time since she had remembered why she had been looking for Avalon in the first place. She was so busy focusing on the how, she started ignoring the why. She wondered if she still cared about the why, or had just started going through the motions over the years because it was the one goal she had left in her life.

And now, when she was finally reminded, she would die. It felt like a decidedly unfunny joke.

“Can anyone understand everything? There is so much information to learn, let alone understand. Had anyone even come close?”

Amanda’s eyes had been unfocused while contemplating her screwed up life, so she was rather surprised when she focused on her would-be murderer again after the new questions were asked – and found her sitting across from her. Getting comfortable, huh? Not that Amanda would have any chance escaping. Not even if the storm wasn’t still howling outside. She was cold and her body ached and she wondered if she could even stand up anymore. Maybe she had frozen to the icy ground while she hadn’t been looking.

“How can anyone know if anyone came close, if no-one has yet gotten to know everything?” Amanda shrugged, glancing to the side. “Unless it’s someone who’s not sharing,” she smirked, like telling a private joke. This wasn’t the first time she had contemplated that, far from that. Then she huffed, a little more actually amused: “But I can say for sure that most people around the world know only a tiny fraction. Too many people don’t believe in anything they consider supernatural, so they limit their view of the world to a ridiculous degree.”

“What does it mean, supernatural?” The redhead asked, one foot tucked under herself, the other planted in front of her, leaning one arm on her knee. There was nothing but curiosity in her expression. And maybe some of that previous hunger but… not bloodlust this time, Amanda thought. Unless she was mistaken – this was thirst for knowledge. Amanda could respect that, at least. Now how to explain this simply...

“Supernatural is something… not believed to exist because it shouldn’t be possible. Such as Natla creating fire in her hands.”

Predictably, the clone looked sceptical. “Is that something not believed?”

“To most people in this world, yes,” Amanda said bitterly. “The ability to create fire in your hands like that isn’t supported by scientific evidence. Of course, it just means no scientist was able to find anyone with the ability – such as Natla – and figure out how it can happen. When you bring evidence and explanations, supernatural phenomena are no longer supernatural...” she paused. “I suppose you might have a skewed view on what is normal or usual, because your whole existence is unique and something most people wouldn’t believe.”

There was a strange, complicated look on the redhead’s face as if several different emotions were fighting for the right to show there. A mild frown had won: “What are phenomena?”

Okay, this was getting annoying. Amanda could’ve really used a dictionary so she wouldn’t need to come up with definitions. She stopped herself from rolling her eyes to not invite the other woman’s ire and instead waved her hand vaguely. “It’s… a thing, or a… a situation that you can perceive.” She should use easier words. “That you can see.”

The redhead only nodded as if Amanda had confirmed her guess. That made sense, she had probably been guessing a lot of words from context or else she’d have been asking more.

The woman sported a thoughtful frown again, then her eyebrows shifted just a little and Amanda would’ve sworn she looked sad but it was gone too fast and that quirk of her mouth showed annoyance instead. Then her face smoothed out and she got back on topic:

“And you want everyone to know about these things. So they… know themselves better?”

Amanda had a pretty strong feeling that if she survived long enough, she was going to find out exactly what had gone through the other woman’s head just now. The question of her own existence – had she even known she was something unique in the world? Or had she just assumed some people were created this way?

Anyway, whether Amanda wanted to deal with that or not, she _would_ prefer to stay alive for a long time yet, and that meant entertaining the questions asked her. She nodded. “To know the world can help you know yourself.”

The clone’s reply was immediate and almost eager, making Amanda jerk back slightly: “I want to know the world. Are you saying I already have the advantage on most people?”

Amanda tried to relax again. What a roller-coaster of emotions. For the first time, she wondered if hiding her emotions all the time made the woman unable to regulate them properly. No matter now, there was another question to be answered so she could postpone her death.

“In some ways?” Amanda mused. That was an interesting way to look at it. “You are probably much more open-minded, considering your circumstances. But I’m sure there’s much you don’t know that others consider common knowledge, so they have advantage in that. Of course, no-one knows everything as we’ve already established, and what’s common knowledge differs around the world, and even among individuals. Exactly like you just showed, after all, with considering Natla’s abilities believable,” she waved her hand towards the other, who contemplated it for a second.

“You want others to know more about the world, and about themselves? Are you saying your goal in life is to help people?” Oh the scepticism veritably dripped from her words, and Amanda couldn’t say she blamed her.

“I just don’t want to live among ignorants,” Amanda scoffed. “I want them to understand what I understand, and I want to yet learn more and want others to learn about it too. It’s exhausting to talk with people who don’t believe half of the facts you tell them,” she threw up her hands. Lara used to be one of those people. Well, that was one person with broadened knowledge now, though not much by Amanda’s assistance. If only Lara wasn’t the last person Amanda ever wanted to see – maybe apart from the person right in front of her, if only because Lara wasn’t actively pursuing her death.

Amanda breathed out slowly, she was getting worked up. Back to the topic. “I’m not the kind of person who’d be willing to live in seclusion my whole life just to avoid ignorants,” she added, just to make that clear.

“You want to teach others to make them more acceptable for you. You’re doing it for yourself?” The clone sounded more satisfied now, as if glad to have confirmed that Amanda’s true reason wasn’t altruism.  
Amanda wasn’t offended by that. “Ultimately, everyone does everything for themselves. Those who don’t, those who claim to be selfless, are just denying that helping others makes them feel good – and making yourself feel good is self-serving once again.”

The woman was staring at her for a moment thinking, and her expression changed as she switched topics – really, _how_ had Amanda not noticed how expressive she was? Or was she just now making use of the fact that she _could_ be expressive? “You have been to Helheim. Or Avalon, as you called it. What knowledge did it bring you? What… enlightenment?”

Alright. This question probably had to come sooner or later. Amanda smiled bitterly. “Can’t say I had much time to explore. But I know what the central mechanism did, which isn’t all that unique. Humans have already found other ways to destroy the world, we don’t need an ancient mechanism for it anymore – and if Natla stopped and thought for a second she’d have realized that. So it’s probably a good thing she didn’t, or she might’ve just dropped a few nukes and be done with it.”

“Maybe she was after a specific kind of destruction and the way Jormungandr worked would achieve that,” the redhead said.

Amanda nearly startled. This wasn’t a question-answer session to stall a murder anymore. That woman just offered her own thoughts and expected Amanda to follow up. This turned into a _discussion._ What the actual fuck.

“Yeah, maybe, as I said, I didn’t exactly have time to look around,” Amanda responded, not daring to ask about the shift in their interaction. That woman might not have even realized it yet. “I’ve never known the exact goals Natla had, or I would’ve made sure she wasn’t there to start the apocalypse. Whenever she got into explaining even a little bit, she sounded like a damn fanatic.”

“Fanatic,” the woman repeated the word. It wasn’t a question, more like tasting it on her tongue. “Yes, she probably was.”

And seriously, what the hell was this strange vocabulary knowledge anyway? Some words were clear but others Amanda had to explain, and the clone herself could talk in that posh know-it-all way Lara could. She probably just didn’t understand some words because she hadn’t come across them in her fairly short life, and now Amanda was supposed to act like her dictionary. This was all Natla’s fault. Who else’s, after all. Also blaming anything on Natla felt good, when it couldn’t be blamed on Lara.

“Yeah well let’s hope she didn’t find some enlightenment there that would bring her back, the Mjölnir better had done its job.” If there’s one thing the two of them could agree on, it would be Natla’s demise, right? That was a safe topic.

“It hasn’t.

Amanda’s blood ran cold. Or she was just finally freezing to death, but who cared because if Natla survived, then Amanda was dead anyway. Unless she was first killed by this person here. Goddammit!

The redhead smiled a creepy, supremely self-satisfied smile. “But I have finished it.”

What?

“You… killed Natla?” Amanda said in a weak voice, her heart still drumming in her chest. There was a brief thought that the clone might be lying, but she dismissed it immediately. Why would she lie? And how good of an actor would she have to be to fake this bloodthirsty contentment, if her only act so far had been _not_ showing any emotions?

The smile grew a little wider. “If she was lucky. If she is still alive in the eitr, then she is still… drowning...” The last word was positively a purr. Amanda was glad for Natla being gone either way, but couldn’t exactly be unbothered about the means, if the woman who killed Natla still had plans to kill her too. Amanda wouldn’t appreciate death by drowning. Been there, done that. Almost. And developed a trauma that was probably never fully going away. Would the clone be so sadistic to specifically choose the cruellest form of death, if she knew about it?

Well bloody look at that, another reason to keep up the talk and try to avoid an untimely end.

“So she’s gone now, but she survived the hammer?” _Did_ Lara use the hammer at her? Amanda’s memories were kinda hazy about that, there was a lot of flashes from far away from her half-conscious sprawl on the ground.

“Yes,” was the simple answer. “I don’t know what exactly Lara Croft has done. Maybe she used the hammer incorrectly.”

Amanda closed her eyes and snorted softly in amusement, twisting her mouth. “Wouldn’t that be hilarious, Lara screwing up at the most important moment.” When she cracked her eyes open again with some reluctance, the woman with Lara’s face kept a neutral expression, and Amanda’s mirth faded. How did clone feel about Lara anyway? Maybe it was better not to mention her, if Amanda couldn’t be sure of the response. Natla was _definitely_ a safer topic. “I just... heard Natla scream during one big flash.” She was racking her mind for details, but there weren’t really any. Everything had been loud and crumbling and her brain didn’t want to cooperate.

“She must have fallen into the eitr and then climbed out again. It was obvious from her appearance when I found her.” Ah, the creepy smile again.

“So then you… finished her off?”

The smile fell off in a blink, replaced with a dangerous glint in her eyes. “No.”

Somehow, it seemed that asking about what happened after would be a bad idea. Natla must’ve done something nasty before she had been killed for good. Not really a surprise, but so much for having a safe topic. Amanda quickly searched for something else, her brain rebelliously slow.

Helheim. That could work. “So you’ve seen Helheim too, and Jorm- Jormun…gandr...” Amanda started, not sure where to go with it. She was so cold.

“Are you asking if it brought me… enlightenment?” the redhead asked, the murderous aura fading as her mouth quirked up into some sort of dark, cool amusement. “I’m not aware.”

“Right, well,” Amanda hugged herself to keep at least a bit warm, “It would probably… need research… studying the whole… thing.” She shuddered. “Compare with other places… with dais...” Was she talking slow? She wasn’t sure but had the vague idea that her mouth wasn’t moving as fast as she would have wanted.

The world was blurry. White blur, but with a patch of black blur in front of her.

Gravity was pulling down her freezing body, so tired. She needed to get some sleep. No it was a bad idea. But why? Sleep was good. The fuzzy world was more black than white.

It was all black.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amanda and Doppelgänger need to get down from the mountains. They have plenty of time to talk during that trek - and what better time for Doppelgänger to choose a name for herself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, a new chapter! As often happens, I didn't expect it to get this long - and to take this long :D Enjoy!

She watched as Amanda’s speech became slower and slower, then her head started falling forward and her eyelids closing, until she was slumped against the icy wall, asleep.

Amanda fell asleep. She blinked. Amanda just fell asleep like that. She hadn’t had many opportunities to watch people fall asleep, but it usually wasn’t so quick or in the middle of a conversation.

It annoyed her a little, because she was quite interested in more things Amanda could tell her before she would kill her. She supposed she should just kill her now instead of waiting for her to wake up. Or she could try waking her up herself, but if she had fallen asleep so suddenly, she was probably very tired and wouldn’t be able to say much before falling asleep again.

Yes, it definitely annoyed her, and more than a little. It occurred to her only now that if she were to talk to anyone else about certain things, it could be much more difficult. Apparently her knowledge of the world was unusual,  some things she considered self-evident would be seen as impossible by most people in the world, and common knowledge of humans would be unfamiliar to her.

Amanda had treated her horribly and deserved to die for it, but also had a better idea about  _ her _ knowledge. And understood that some of these  _ supernatural _ things were possible.

If she were to talk to some other human, she couldn’t even say how she came to be in this world because the human wouldn’t believe her?

She understood. She definitely understood Amanda’s wish for humans to believe the same things she did. How did you talk with someone who wouldn’t believe the thing you knew to be true?

How could you talk with someone who wouldn’t believe that you could exist?

She clenched her fists, staring at the still form in front of her. Amanda was so convenient to explain things to her. She hated the fact, but she couldn’t deny it.

In the back of her mind she had already decided, but only now she allowed the decision to come to the forefront. She wouldn’t kill Amanda yet. Not until the woman stopped being useful.

That meant that she would have to stay here and wait until Amanda woke up. How boring! And she was really tired of snow.  Most of the world wasn’t even covered in snow most of the year, or never. She knew that much. So why had she had to end up in another snowy  area ?

At least the weather was different. She looked out through the opening. The wind was slower now, but still quite fast, and it had been quite fun tracing the patterns and jumping just at the right time to let  a gust propel her in the desired direction.  She could go out and try it again, but there was a small chance Amanda would wake up in not too long and sneak out.

She looked at the pieces of plastic and scrap metal nearby. In her anger she destroyed the detector. That was really foolish of her. If she lost Amanda now, it could be very hard to find her again. Maybe she wouldn’t be even able to find this cavern again after going out, so even if Amanda stayed inside she would become lost to her.

With no technology to help  locate Amanda, she just had to keep her eyes on the  hard-to-track woman  from now on until killing her .

It was a good thing she didn’t need to sleep much herself.

It looked quite uncomfortable anyway. Humans had to sleep so often, but they didn’t always had a good place to do it. Amanda was half sitting, half lying, her head fallen to the side.  Some of her hair had fallen over her face and it fluttered slightly once in a while as she breathed.  Apart from the minute rise and fall of her chest, it was the only movement she could see, and with nothing better to do, she watched the white strands sway there and back. At least it wasn’t too monotone, sometimes it took a little longer, and sometimes the puff of air was a little weaker, so it offered certain anticipation of the next outcome.

It fluttered again, so faintly it was only the completely stillness of Amanda’s body that let her notice it at all.

And then it must have been even fainter, because she couldn’t see any movement anymore – and she had very good sight. She had noticed it before, she could see things from further away than others, so she was probably better at this than humans too.

But despite that, she could see no flutter anymore. Her only source of feeble entertainment had disappeared as well.

She jumped up  to her feet at the red-orange-black flash of light from Amanda, hands raised to defend herself. She stared, eyes narrowed, but it wasn’t Amanda who was doing this. Or… probably not. It was the Wraith Stone on her neck, glowing and pulsating.  It… wasn’t attacking her. The strange light was instead seeping into Amanda, somehow, until her body was faintly glowing.

In a minute or two it was over, the stone dimming abruptly, and the glow around Amanda faded a few seconds later.

What was that?

Looking at Amanda a little more closely, she didn’t seem any different. The hair was fluttering in front of her mouth again,  her chest rising and falling slowly, but otherwise she was still.

Had she done it in her sleep? Could she? But again, why? Was it some defence mechanism? Maybe she dreamt about danger and the Wraith Stone responded. Dreams were strange, sometimes they showed understandable things and sometimes they were chaotic or frightening. Yes, that sounded like a good explanation, Amanda activated the Wraith Stone because of something she was dreaming about.

Although if that was the case, the question remained what purpose it had served. It hadn’t been an attack. Had it been some sort of a shield? Maybe she had been harder to  injure while she had been glowing. There was no way to test it now. Or maybe she had been hurt in the dream and the Wraith Stone had the ability to heal injuries. She had a vague idea that Amanda had mentioned something of the sort.

Yes, if it had been healing her, of course there would be no change because  dream injuries weren’t real and if she had any  real  injuries on her body, they weren’t visible under her clothes  anyway . She also hadn’t moved much, which would have offered a clue to any possible wounds. The only difference really was that she had started breathing again-

Her thoughts came to a halt.

Peculiarly, she was reminded of a conversation she had overheard on one of Amanda’s ships, two of the mercenaries talking in the mess hall. One of them was complaining, calling himself an “absolute fucking idiot” for not realizing that he couldn’t cut his toenails _after_ he’d put his boots on. It had sounded very idiotic to her indeed as well. How could anyone forget something so obvious?

She had the feeling now. She was the absolute fucking idiot. She had been watching Amanda’s breath weaken and disappear and hadn’t realized the  _ very obvious _ implications.

The Wraith Stone really had healed her. Probably saved her from dying right at that moment.

That… that could become a problem once she really wanted to kill Amanda. But for now, it prevented the problem of a dead Amanda, which was a positive thing.

But the fact that Amanda had almost died was puzzling. Had she been very badly injured? She should probably make sure of it now. If Amanda was injured,  and the Wraith Stone hadn’t healed her fully, she  might still need medical attention.

Which she couldn’t really offer . Overlooking some mercenaries covering their wounds with gauze probably didn’t carry over enough information  for her . And Amanda could n’t just be set into a healing pod like Natla, even if  a ny such construction was nearby.

She would need proper medical attention from… doctors. Those worked in a hospital, hospitals were quite common in cities. A city wasn’t too far away…

First, she should find out if there was a reason to go to the hospital. Maybe Amanda wasn’t injured but was dying from something else, such as hunger – people could die from hunger, she was fairly sure.

But there was no food here, so in that case they would still need to go to the city.

She moved slowly closer to Amanda, one hand reaching forward, eyes on the Stone in case it reacted to someone else’s presence. It didn’t. At least not to a hand on Amanda’s shoulder pulling her into a more vertical position.

What… now? Searching for injuries would require taking Amanda’s clothes off, apart from possibly her underwear, but Amanda would be colder then and – touching her face with one finger – she already felt quite cold. Yes, she had to think about humans’ needs more to understand what could be wrong with Amanda. Maybe the cold was part of the current problem. Was Amanda freezing to death? But still possibly also injured? Hungry? Thirsty? All of it and _more_?

This is what humans had doctors for. Maybe… maybe _she_ would need a doctor too, if something really bad happened to her, but fortunately it hadn’t happened yet. Was she too different from humans to have use of a doctor? The only person who really knew her body was…

Natla.

Even if that woman were still alive drowning in eitr, she could never ask for her help, even if it lead to being helped. And it wouldn’t – Natla had wanted her _dead_. No, she would rather die that ask for Natla’s help anyway. She simply had to make sure to never get into a situation similar to the one Amanda was now in. A situation where she was asleep or unconscious and needed someone else’s help.

Unless Amanda didn’t need help and she would wake up later, healed from all ailments by the Stone. But that just sounded too easy. If the Stone could do so much, would Amanda end up in such a bad position in the first place?

She couldn’t risk depending on what the Stone could or would do. Amanda had to be brought to a doctor.

Still holding the unconscious woman by shoulders, she looked out towards the exit. The winter was much slower and it wasn’t getting dark yet. It would be much harder to find the way once the night fell.

It was best to go right now.

She took better hold of Amanda’s limp body and after a brief contemplation lifted her onto her back, Amanda’s arms hanging over her shoulders. It would have been easier if Amanda could hold on. But then she could have also maybe walked.

The last time she carried anyone – really _touched_ anyone – was Natla. As she had had to help her. This felt too similar and for a moment she was overcome by the urge to drop Amanda on the snowy ground.

No, this _was_ different. She was doing this because she wanted to. No-one ordered her to help Amanda. Natla certainly would have wanted her to kill Amanda, if anything – in that Amanda had been right. Amanda clearly wanted to survive… Seeing it like that, either way she decided – keep Amanda alive or let her die – she would be doing something one of them wanted. And while she hated to do anything either of these blonde women would have wished, she did feel more comfortable doing something for Amanda. Out of those two, Amanda was infinitely more tolerable.

And Amanda might feel like she owes her a favour later. That was something the mercenaries did. If one did something significant for another, it was expected to be remembered and repaid when the opportunity came.

She wasn’t sure how Amanda could repay her. After all, she was going to keep an eye on Amanda and make sure Amanda does what she should – give her money, answer her questions… still, making Amanda _indebted_ couldn’t hurt.

If Amanda felt that way. Maybe it was something only mercenaries did. Or maybe Amanda could decide she only owed favours to humans.

Such thoughts that lead nowhere. She would find out once Amanda was awake. And to make sure that happened, she needed to find a hospital. Finally, she stepped out of the cavern, Amanda held securely on her back. The freezing wind hit her face but it wasn’t stinging and pushing her in another direction, too slow to do it now.

She took a jump onto a nearby snow-covered boulder, then to another, but after that she needed to walk. Without any more obvious firm spots in the terrain, she couldn’t risk the snowy mounds falling apart beneath her feet. Not with another person on her back that prevented her to use all her agility. Her original path – deep indents in the snow far apart from one another – were impossible to notice now, not to mention unusable without the exact strength and opposite direction of the wind she had made use of previously.

So she walked. The snow reached just about to her knees, making Amanda’s feet draw lines in it on each side of the deep trail. The occasional obvious rock or another firm place allowed for a jump forward, but mostly it was just putting one leg in front the other, again and again, cooling down her body to a degree she didn’t appreciate. Spending too much time out here was surely dangerous to her too. She only needed to get to slightly lower altitudes, with less snow and less exposure to the chilling wind.

The snow was crunching and creaking beneath the soles of her boots, the only sounds other than the gusts pushing around low clouds of fallen snowflakes.

And a soft groan.

She didn’t falter in her march, but she paid closer attention to Amanda now, in case she was waking up.

There was a little sniff and then Amanda shifted slightly. Then again, and more, almost overbalancing them when she jerked up, again moving their centre of gravity. Luckily the ground was fairly level and didn’t cause trouble…

…but Amanda could cause trouble now. What would she do? Did she had strength for anything? She had almost died a few hours prior.

“W-what?” It was mumbled, disoriented and hardly a question deserving of an answer. Her weight dropped forward again. So she didn’t have strength so stay upright then. That was useful for the immediate situation, but not as good for the goal of keeping Amanda alive for now.

Amanda’s breaths were deeper now, easier to hear, or maybe closer, warm breath tickling her left ear. Amanda was still awake then, but silent. Too weak to talk?

It didn’t matter, as long as she wasn’t dead. In a minute or two, there was another visible rock, large enough to jump and land on, clearing good ten metres in a moment. And so she jumped.

Amanda yelped and almost strangled her in a frantic attempt to hold on. Not too weak then.

Standing on the rock, she took a moment to look around for a convenient path to continue.

“What are you doing?” Amanda voice sounded scratchy and waning.

This question was specific enough to merit an answer. “Looking for the best way forward.”

There was another rock not too far away and Amanda yelped again during the jump.

“You didn’t kill me.” Despite the weakness, the wariness in Amanda’s voice stood out. It wasn’t a question, but clearly meant as one. Should she answer it? Or wait until Amanda really asked? No, she wasn’t really in the mood for such games now. Feeling colder and colder and with no more visible rocks in the direction they needed to go, another trek through the deeps snow awaited them.

“I will kill you later. You still haven’t answered all my questions.”

There was silence for some seconds, during which she hopped from the rock and started wading forward.

Then there was an amused snort, that somehow turned into a huff and a sneeze. Luckily, not towards the back of her head as that would have been rather disgusting. Didn’t humans transmit diseases this way? She didn’t know if she could contract human diseases.

“Where are you… taking me?” Maybe the voice was slightly stronger now, or maybe she just paid better attention to it this time.

“To a hospital.”

Silence again, until just one word: “Hospital?” It was rather disbelieving.

“I don’t want you to die until you answer all my questions. Humans go to the hospital when they are in danger of dying, do they not?”

“I’m not dying,” Amanda sounded rather offended at the idea. “I fell asleep.” She paused. It was probably still difficult for her to talk, she was speaking at a slower pace than usual as well. “I don’t know if you sleep. But it’s normal. For people.”

It seemed Amanda had been reassured enough by the postponing of her death that she decided to be rude again – or maybe she just couldn’t help it. What a shame that dropping her into the snow and walking away – something actually _possible_ now, not just as wishful thinking – would just ruin the efforts of keeping her alive. She would greatly enjoy Amanda’s death once the time finally came. For now, the only non-damaging payback could be verbal.

“You stopped breathing. Is that normal? For _people_?”

“I-” another sneeze. “If I stopped breathing… I’d be dead. I’m not.”

The thickness of snow was starting to decrease, if only slightly. It made walking marginally easier. “The Wraith Stone kept you alive. It made your whole body glow until you started breathing again.”

Amanda hadn’t been moving much, but now she stilled completely. “Fuck,” she breathed out.

“What caused it? Do you have any life-threatening injuries?”

The silences were getting irritating, especially with the inability to see Amanda’s face to guess what she was thinking.

“Not… life-threatening,” she finally huffed. Then snorted. “That I know of.” She let her head fall forward. How was she tired when she wasn’t even doing much of anything?

“Why did you almost die? Can the cold kill you? Or hunger?”

“Are you my doctor now?”

“Will you die until I get you to the hospital?”

“How long will it take?”

Once they were out of the snow, not at all long. She was looking forward to not having her every move hindered. “Several hours yet.”

“Hours?” There was movement and a tickle of hair. Amanda was probably turning head around. “Only?”

“Will you die?”

“Probably not.”

“Then I won’t try to be your doctor. I think we both prefer that.”

Amanda huffed in amusement at that. Amanda was… amused by this weak joke. Amanda was… amused by _her_? That was strange – felt strange, but not bad. Just new. She hadn’t had many opportunities to joke, and certainly not in front of people. Mostly just Natla, really, and Natla would probably make sure to not laugh even if she had found it amusing, to avoid encouraging it.

Natla. She should stop thinking about bloody _Natla_.

Amanda was awake, she could use this to ask more questions. Not complicated ones, because Amanda still talked slowly and softly. What did she want to know? Something with simple answers. How would she know what question would have a simple answer? Maybe if the answer could be just yes or no? It was worth trying.

“Do most people know the Wraith Stone exists?” The Wraith Stone could be trouble, Amanda could use it to defend herself. It was better to know more about it.

“What?”

The wind was hardly blowing at all here, it couldn’t be that Amanda had really misheard her. Still, she repeated herself, and decided to elaborate:

“Do people know the Wraith Stone exists? Or would they think it’s… supernatural?” If people didn’t know of its existence, it had to be rare. Even unique. Hard for Amanda to find if she lost this one. Lara Croft had certainly protected it as something important.

“Yeah… they would definitely… call it supernatural.”

That confirmed her guess. She had another guess. Just to be sure:

“Are you supernatural?”

There was silence again. Why? Could Amanda be supernatural? Maybe she was, there hadn’t been enough people to compare her to. Something people didn’t believe was possible… well, Amanda’s hair colour wasn’t really usual on any other person she had seen, maybe people didn’t believe that was possible? Supernatural seemed like such a broad category.

Amanda sighed. “No. I think. The Stone is. And it’s mine.” A longer pause. “We’re connected.”

Connected. “How?”

“We just are.”

A useless answer. But Amanda hadn’t been able to do anything when the Stone hadn’t been in her hands, couldn’t have made it return to her, she had needed it to be delivered to her. Whatever the connection was, it didn’t bring them together physically when they were apart. Good.

Another question came to her, an obvious one, really:

“What does _wraith_ mean?”

“Why do you keep. Asking about the Stone?”

Maybe Amanda was growing suspicious. Was she really in a position to do anything though, other than not answering? Taking the Stone from Amanda would be easy. But not now, later. What if she still needed to be kept alive before they arrived at the hospital?

“Because it’s dangerous and I want to know how.”

“Yeah. Tough luck, clone.”

Her legs stopped. She wasn’t even sure why. She just couldn’t walk now. No, she could, but her mind was too disturbed by what Amanda had said and it had made her halt her steps. She felt… like there was something covering her skin, something invisible and unpleasant, all over her body.

“What?” Amanda was asking, slightly more alert, slightly more panicked. Did she think there was danger around?

“Don’t call me that,” she said and it felt right. Yes, that was what had made her uncomfortable. Even if it was a truthful description of her.

“Huh?” It took Amanda a moment. “What? Clone?”

“Yes. Don’t call me that.” And if Amanda insisted…

“Well, do you have a name?”

A name? A… a name. A _name_. People called her in different ways… Amanda herself usually just “hey you” or “clone” or “that thing” when speaking to Natla, sometime also “creepy Lara” “doppelgänger”, none of which was acceptable – and now she could finally do something about it.

What Natla called her-

-didn’t matter. She wasn’t _anyone’s slave anymore_.

Amanda hissed in pain.

Oh, she’d been gripping her too tight. She loosened her hold slightly. “No, I don’t have a name.” She started walking again. “How does a person get a name?” Was it given to them? Did they choose? Every person seemed to have their own name.

“Usually,” Amanda started, “parents give it. To their child. When it’s born.”

Parents. She didn’t have parents, people who made her. The closest would be – Natla, no, she didn’t want Natla as a parent. She didn’t know much about the relationship of parents and children, but from the little she had seen or read, it seemed to be a good relationship. Lara Croft had been willing to do many dangerous things for her parents, surely they had treated her well for her to go that far. The parent cared for the child. Natla wasn’t a parent.

“Guess you didn’t get any. When you were _born_.”

Clearly.

“You can choose one yourself.”

The freezing wind blew around her ears, as if whispering.

…Choose.

She had… choices.

She could choose her name, _give_ herself a name! “Yes… I can...”

It was a heady feeling. How could she even do that? Where to start? What names existed? And… what exact purpose did a name have?

“How do parents choose a name? Do names have meanings or is it… just a sound?” Just a sound to make it clear whom someone was addressing. She would like it – her own sound, without further meaning to it. All she had been called until now had a meaning, some sort of description of her, instead of just _being_ her.

“Some parents. Choose based on the meaning,” Amanda explained. “Some just like how it sounds. All names have meanings. I think. But people usually don’t know them. Some don’t know the meaning. Of their own name.”

So they had meanings, but those meanings didn’t seem to matter much, if they weren’t common knowledge. Something crossed her mind:

“What does your name mean?”

Amanda was silent for some seconds again. “Why?”

“Curiosity.”

Amanda snorted. “What else.” She sighed. Was she not going to answer? It wasn’t important, but now she wanted to know even more. She could try to force Amanda to tell her, but would it be worth it? Just to relieve her curiosity?

“It means… ‘worthy of love’…” Amanda finally said.

“What a strange meaning,” she blurted out, baffled. “How does that describe a person?”

Amanda made a strange sound and then burst out laughing.

That was so surprising she almost lost her footing in the snow, but then she righted herself and waited for the laughter to stop – in a brief coughing fit, as it turned out.

“Why did you laugh?”

“Your… tone,” Amanda said, her voice slightly scratchy but still amused. “Sounded so offended.”

She felt heat coming to her cheeks, despite the cold. Was Amanda ridiculing her? “As I said, it is not really a description. Are all names like that?”

“Lots of them,” she could feel Amanda shrug as she said it. “You get a name. As a baby. No-one knows who you are… yet. If parents care about the meaning. They choose… what they hope for. Beauty. Strength. Wisdom…”

“Then the meaning is useless. It can turn out to be completely wrong.”

“Well, yes,” Amanda agreed, then coughed again. “Maybe that’s. Why many people. Don’t care.”

Yes, that made sense. Of course, her circumstances were different: she was… an adult? Yes she was an adult. At least in her body and her mind. She understood it took humans almost twenty years to grow up, which was much longer than she had been existing.

But… were her circumstances really different? She was still at the beginning of everything. She didn’t know herself. Should she choose a name with the meaning of what she hoped for?

What did she hope for? Freedom. But she already had it. What else did she hope for?

What else?

The snowy plain was stretching forward, downward and on and on…

“What’s going on?” Amanda asked nervously.

What? Nothing was going on. Nothing, but – oh, she was standing. When had she stopped walking? She shuddered. It was unsafe to think too much ahead, how could she have forgotten? It only lead to everything being too much. She didn’t know what she wanted yet and she couldn’t let the infinite possibilities overwhelm her.

“Hey. Uh, well, you. What’s happening?” Amanda was fidgeting, would she be able to stand by herself? Even if she would, she was probably too weak to walk in this snow.

“Nothing. I was… thinking.” She started walking again. “I don’t care for the meaning, I just want a name. Something that I will like the sound of. What names are there?”

“There’s _a lot_ of names.”

“I don’t need to know them all to choose. Tell me any you remember.”

“Right. I’m guessing I should skip Lara.”

“You’re guessing right,” she agreed drily.

“And Jacqueline too.”

“I am sure there is a chasm nearby I can throw you into.”

Clearly Amanda recognized it wasn’t a serious threat, as she only snorted in amusement and hummed thoughtfully. “Only female names?”

Another complication. “There are differences?”

“There are female names. And male names. And gender-neutral names – those can be for anyone.”

Humans were making _every_ little thing complicated. Or maybe the world was complicated. “Why are not all names for everyone?”

“Good question,” Amanda drawled. “Habit, I think. Though some people decide to. Choose the name for the “wrong” gender. Just because they like it.”

“That makes more sense.” She took another jump, the terrain was more rocky here, the snow receding as they were descending lower and lower. “I want to know the female and gender-neutral names first.” If she needed to communicate with humans in the future – which she most probably would – the communication could possibly turn out more successful if she had a name that they would expect. Oh, unless… “I am female, correct?”

“Yes,” Amanda said, but then made a sound as if rethinking that. “Probably. Lara is female. And you have a female body. As far as I know. But only _you_ can really know.”

“How?”

“Hmm...” Amanda was silent for a while. She let her, it seemed Amanda was really thinking about how to explain it. “I suppose… you’ve seen men and women. Do you feel like either?”

_Feel_? “I don’t know how to recognize it. How does it feel to be a man or a woman?”

“Alright...” Amanda dragged out, “what about… If someone said you’re a woman. Would you feel it fits you? And if someone said you’re a man. Would that fit you? How would you feel. About that?”

The snow crunched around her legs and under her feet in a steady rhythm. Such a simple thing, walking. So uncomplicated.

How would she feel? She was never called either. A woman? That didn’t feel like there was anything wrong with that. It sounded good, better than… a thing. Creature. _Slave_. No, that wouldn’t be enough of a reason, that wasn’t what she was supposed to focus on now. A woman – or a man. If someone called her a man… that was definitely strange to imagine, stranger than a woman. She… she considered herself _she_ , wasn’t that right? And it wasn’t because of Natla, because Natla had never called her that. Neither had Amanda… some of the mercenaries did, was that the reason then? It hadn’t happened often though, she hadn’t really been in contact with them, just seen them around…

What then?

A woman. That was… fine.

A man. That was… strange.

“I think I am a woman,” she finally said, and noticing that she had been walking while she could have been passing over the rocks in leaps, she did just that a few times. “But how can I be sure?”

“Who knows,” Amanda shrugged. “You can still change your mind later.”

“Yes...” Of course… Of course! Why couldn’t she? She could do anything. She could decide who to be – so she could also change her mind about that later! It hadn’t occurred to her before. It was quite a great relief. Her decisions didn’t have to be final if she didn’t want them to.

“Maybe I will change my mind. But it feels good, to be called a woman.”

“Alright…” Amanda said. “So let’s go with gender neutral names… Maybe more to the feminine side?”

“S _ide_? What does _that_ mean?” she asked incredulously. Why couldn’t anything be _simple_?

Amanda snorted in laughter, loudly. Then she coughed, and then chuckled a little. “It just means. That women have them more often.”

She took a deep breath, feeling the cold air go up her nose and freezing her nostrils. “I see.” She made another jump and the started walking again. There was much less snow here, reaching only halfway up her calves. “Then tell me some of them.”

Amanda shifted a little, possibly trying to get more comfortable. “There is… René. Alex. Taylor. Drew...” she made a pause after each name. “Like any of those?”

“Are those all?”

“No, just a few.”

“Repeat them.”

Amanda huffed but complied: “Alex, René, Drew… ah, and Taylor.”

She didn’t think she’d ever heard any of those. She spoke them aloud to try the sound: “Alex, René, Drew, Taylor...” She imagined being called by them. It didn’t feel right. “I don’t think I like any of them.” On a second thought: “Maybe Drew. Is there anything that sounds similar?”

“Similar?” Amanda repeated. “I feel like my brain. Is freezing in my skull. And now you want this?”

“Are you freezing to death? We are still far from the city.” They had been walking for some time now. And while Amanda was still speaking in short sentences, she was awake and able to think, so surely it couldn’t be that bad.

“Probably not… just… just give me a moment. To think.” Amanda’s chin dropped down on her left shoulder. After maybe a minute, she spoke up without raising her head, so every move of her jaw was easily perceptible: “Dylan is neutral. I think.”

“That doesn’t sound similar,” she argued.

“Starts with D.”

“That’s not important.”

“Ugggh!” Amanda made that noise right into her ear, most probably on purpose. She could recognize that sound, Amanda had done it whenever she was losing patience either with something she had been trying to do, or with her mercenaries. It had been amusing to watch, but not so much now when she wanted Amanda to continue with more names, instead of… Well, Amanda couldn’t storm off in anger here, maybe wade slowly a few steps, if she was as weak as she seemed.

“Then _what_. Do you want?” Amanda growled.

Good, clearly she realized she couldn’t leave even if she wanted. What an… amusing exchange of their positions from only weeks ago.

“Something that sounds similar. It doesn’t have to start with D, but it should have D in it.” Hm, no, that didn’t sound quite enough. What was interesting about Drew? “Something that has R after D. I like that combined sound.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Amanda mumbled, but it was perfectly clear to hear. Then she made several vague annoyed noises before falling silent.

After several minutes Amanda sat up, nearly unbalancing them. “Andrea?”

“Andrea?” she repeated. It… sounded better. But there was something that she didn’t like. She couldn’t describe it, it was just a feeling. “It’s better, but I don’t want it either.”

“Seriously?!” Amanda huffed. Amanda… Amanda. Andrea sounded too much like Amanda. That was it.

“It sounds too similar to your name.”

“What’s wrong with my name?”

“Nothing. But I don’t want it to sound similar.”

“Yeah, fair point,” she could just imagine Amanda rolling her eyes. “Wouldn’t like that either.” She sagged forward again. “Ugh, different pronunciation? Or just… different version. In French, there’s Andrée. The male version sounds the same. I think.”

“Andrée,” she tried to copy the strange sound. “Why does it sound like that? Because it’s French?” Different languages could have unique sounds, she had already known that.

“That’s right. You could probably just use. The English R there instead. Whatever.”

Whatever? She wasn’t sure she liked that. “What about something _else_ similar?”

Amanda was silent and still. “Dying sounds nice just ‘bout now,” she finally said in a tired voice.

Now it was her turn to laugh a little. Amanda certainly wasn’t happy, but used… ah, dark humour. Yes, that was it. Quite enjoyable.

They continued in silence for a while. If Amanda had no more ideas, asking her wasn’t going to help. Maybe she could later ask more people, somehow.

They were nearing an edge. There was no easy way down by walking, not without making the path much longer by going around. She walked as far as she could and leaned forward to look down.

Amanda, who seemed to have started dozing off some time ago, startled awake at the change of movement. “Huh?” she mumbled. “Wait. Why… are you looking there. You’re not going to jump?!”

“I am. It should be easy.”

“For _you_. What if you drop me?”

“You said that dying sounds nice.”

“Wha- oh, really funny.”

“It is.”

“You’re really going to jump?”

“Yes.”

“Dammit,” Amanda hissed and tightened her hold with her arms. It wasn’t a bad idea, in case _her_ hold on Amanda slipped.

She jumped. With a speed humans didn’t posses, she pushed off the wall passing them by, changing direction mid-air towards a rocky outcrop. There she jumped again, slightly to the right until gravity pulled them down towards a gravelly slope. Staying on her feet as she landed and started immediately sliding down was slightly difficult, but she managed long enough for the gravel to be interrupted by a larger rock peeking out of the ground just in her way. Using it as a springboard, she made a long jump straight forward, clearing the rest of the slope and stumbling a few steps forward as she touched down on a surface that was more soil than rock. Carrying Amanda made her movement really quite less graceful.

Standing still on the solid ground, she turned around to have a look at the path she had just cleared.

“Holy shit,” Amanda was breathing heavily, sounding tired as if she hadn’t been carried the whole way. Or maybe in her current condition, holding on as tight as she had was similarly exhausting for her.

The view was quite satisfying, they had descended significantly in less than a minute. They were below the mountains rather than on them, by now, and the temperature had risen. There wasn’t any snow around and nearby was a visible if primitive path used by people. The trek should be much easier now.

“Any plans on doing that again? Anytime soon?” Amanda asked.

“Not this, it won’t be needed. I can simply run now.”

“Run?” Amanda sounded wary. “With that superspeed of yours?”

“Yes.”

“Ugh, just, hold it.”

“Hold?”

“Yeah, give me a moment.”

“Why?”

“I just… need a moment.”

A moment. Well, they could probably lose a little time without Amanda dying. She walked over to a boulder, turned around and dropped Amanda on it.

Amanda hissed in pain, but then just leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, her head bent forward.

“Are you dying?”

“No,” Amanda barked, offended. Then she sighed. “All the movement. Made me nauseous.”

“Nauseous?” The word sounded familiar, but she couldn’t remember where or when she heard it.

“Yeah, nauseous. Makes me wanna throw up. Vomit. Barf,” Amanda said with a slightly strained voice. That was clearer, she had heard such words from the mercenaries. It hadn’t seemed to be serious with them, but Amanda was already unwell – it probably wasn’t good to add more problems to it. She kept her eyes on Amanda, in case it got worse.

Amanda eventually raised her head. She looked… tired, and she was frowning, breathing deeply once before saying: “Are you staring again?”

“Yes. Is your condition getting worse or better?”

Amanda groaned. “You don’t even deny it…” she mumbled, then said: “Better. For now. Those jumps are horrible.”

Yes, she had said so already, in different words.

“Do you still need a moment?”

Amanda huffed but shook her head. “Not ‘bout to throw up anymore.”

She nodded, made to move closer to Amanda, when she remembered: “Have you thought of any more names?”

Amanda’s groan was louder than the previous one, and she actually leaned back and lied down on the rock, looking up at the sky. “Seriously?”

“Yes.”

“Ugh, no. I mean… what was even the last one?”

“Andrée,” she said.

“Andrée,” Amanda repeated. “That actually sounds kinda stupid. What ‘bout shortening it? To _Andy_?”

“Certainly not,” she crossed her arms. “Then there wouldn’t be D and R.”

“Oh right, forgot about _that_ … so what about,” Amanda opened her mouth, but then she just opened it wider, no sound coming out at first until a dragged out “awww” - a yawn. That confirmed Amanda’s tiredness. “-drien?”

“Awwdrien?” she smirked.

“Adrien,” Amanda lifted her head and glared. “There’s no Awdrien.”

But now that Amanda said it, it… sounded quite nice. “And there isn’t anything similar?”

“Ugh that’s what I’m trying here!” Amanda threw up one hand, still lying on the large rock. “And no. There’s nothing similar to Awdrien…” she paused. “Aw...dri...en... Audrey?”

“Audrey? Is that a name?” she asked tentatively. It sounded… right.

“Yeah, it’s a name. Mostly female. But I think guys had it too.”

“Audrey,” she repeated slowly. “Audrey. I like it.”

Amanda pushed herself up onto her elbows. “Really?” It sounded sceptical.

“Yes,” she felt unexpectedly defensive. “is there anything wrong with that name?”

“No,” Amanda shrugged awkwardly in her current position. “I just didn’t expect – such a quick decision. You’ve been picky.”

“I didn’t like the previous names, but I like this one.” She frowned. “If I start disliking it, I will choose another. But I want this one now.”

“Alright,” Amanda raised an eyebrow. “That’s up to you, Audrey.”

They were still in the mountains, not far below the snow line, yet she could feel warmth spreading through her body, so strange, so exciting. Like watching Natla drown, but without the hate fuelling her joy. She could feel her cheeks stretching spontaneously, so she didn’t fight it and smiled.

Amanda, watching her, gave a crooked smile back, frowning, as if unsure of her own expression. It looked funny. Audrey grinned widely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you know that my original plan was just Amanda listing names until she came across "Audrey"? Ah, but that would be too simple for those two.
> 
> Also I had that name for Doppelgänger since... well, not long after Underworld and the DLCs came out, really. My brain just kind of offered it to me (maybe even in a dream, I don't remember... some of my OCs' names come from dreams too) and when you get a name spontaneously offered like that, you don't question it and just take it :D


End file.
